Wow, it have been one year since I starting this blog. Back than I was just getting out of a long-term relationship and I did not even knew at that time. I starting this blog on May 26, 2013 the day right after my 11 year anniversary with my ex husband. At the time, I was emotionally a mess dealing with the fact that I was force to live on my own for the first time in my life. Well, yes I got marry at 19-year-old and was living with my parents when I got marry. So at the time, I look to ways to keep my spirit up and I found it in hiking and traveling around NC natural parks. It was after spending my anniversary alone without hearing a word from my ex-husband ,which at the time he lie to me, that is when I started this blog. Yes, he lie and told me the separation was for a short period of time and he wanting me to get help. Any way at the time, I was believed the words from friends and family that he still care for me. Later it became clear that those friends was siding with him, lying to me, and digging for information. My family were believed the lie coming from my ex husband except for my father. When I was able to talk with my father about everything, my father supported me.
So hiking was my way of refocus my attention on having fun instead of thinking about hard reality that I were facing on not being able to see my children and losing the family life I had built up for 11 years. I had to rediscover who I was away from the mother of … and wife of … It was clean at the time, I had a hard time explaining my life to others without bring up my children and ex-husband. I enjoy hiking and taking photos so much I was able put aside the pain and hurt for a time being. It was a nice break from reality and it give my body time to feel at peace. Due to all the hardship I was going through it cause anxiety and depression so much I could not sleep and eat. I was able to talk with a therapist and the therapist was very impressed with measure I was doing on my own to feel better. She said I was a strong woman and most women dealing with that level of depression would have giving up and put themselves in a home.
Now it have been a year, I am over my depression and moving on with my life. The fun adventures I had with hiking in NC had help me to get to this point. I am a lot stronger now. I am living with my parents again but I am working and saving up so I can be independent and not have to depend on others. I love my new life. I may not have my children but I am not going to stress out about something that is out of my control. Instead I am focus on prepared for college to get my Ph.D. and to one day work for the EPA. I have high goals that keep me from looking down. I have no time to look back at my past because I am moving forward.
Hey, it had been a long time since I had the time to hike. However, today I went on a little walk on Morgan Creek Trail in Chapel Hill, NC. I have been meaning to get out more, however, life has away of messing up plans. This time I found a place that is walking distance, so it will be easy for me to not make excuses. Half the time, I talk myself out of it and one of the reason is the amount of gas I will spend to a location. It just mean I need to become better at not letting my emotion of the moment take over. Sometimes it mean kicking myself and telling myself to stop making excuses and pushing forward.
After I got over myself, I was able to enjoy being outside surrounding by the sound of birds singing and the nice cool air against my legs ( I was wearing shorts :D). I love this new trail because of the wild cotton plants. This was the first time I have seen wild cotton outside of pictures. There was a field full of different flowers, berries, and wild cotton so their was lots of different types of birds. Now birds are hard to take pictures of, so the best thing I can say is you must see for yourself.
For those who are wonder why I focused so much on observe natural instead of the miles that I walk. The reason why is because I am more of a naturalist. In a way, it is fun to observe and I naturally look at life from a scientist point of view. So I am one of those who take their time hiking on a trail. Hiking is not my only way of exercise which I will leave it as that. 😛
Today, I enjoy a wonderful hike on Pea Creek and Dunnagan Trail at Eno River State Park.The photo on the left is Pea Creek Trail during the later morning. As a kid, I would play in the woods behind my relation house and make a club house made of vines and other material. The trail remember me of that like I was on an adventure living off of the land.
I love the sound of water flowing. It is peaceful and comfortable. The water flow around the rocks and logs, there is no going through. The noise of everyday life can sometime feel overbearing that is why I like to hike. I looked for a place on the trail where I don’t hear cars or people. I walked until I hear nothing but birds and water flowing. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people. There are some morning where I want to clear my mind.
This morning I saw several six-lined racerunner (Cnemidophorus sexlineatus) and American Toad. The racerunner had a spider in it mouth. When I first starting walking on these trails, I would jump every now or than because it sound like someone would run up from behind me. However, it was the racerunner dashed from their sun spot. A couple of time, they ran in between my feet. They are very fast (18 mph). The toads are not as fast as the racerunner but as soon as I figure that was the racerunner, then I was able to spot the toad.
Sometime, when I am hiking I stop to read a book or write in my journal A friend of mine give me a book to read so I stopped half way through my hike to read of the book. So far it is a good book that talks about how we ignore our heart’s wants. It was a hard topic for me because I am having a hard time understand what I want. I know that I enjoy hiking and I love science. I know right now my job does not match up with what I want to do. All I can do is applied for jobs that does match up with what I want.
Hopefully, one day I will be able to enjoy a career in natural resource or similarly field. Until than I will keep hiking and work my day job.